Hi there Masshole Mommy readers, I’m her husband Chris and I’m taking over for her today. I am here to talk about the “real” American Idol since MHM is one of those “believers in American Idol”. She still believes in the tooth fairy, so it is understandable, but I am here to tell you that American Idol is 1000% fake. Here are my top ten things that will get you on American Idol and not one of them is having a good voice.
1. You have to be able to cry on command (in front of the judges, on camera or back stage). You will not make it past Hollywood week if you have not cried at least once.
2. You need to have a sob story (the most popular is to be living on the street for the last two months) before your audition.
3. You need to memorize this statement and be able to repeat it in your sleep: “I love singing, I have to sing, it is my life”.
4. You need “DRAMA” with the other contestants. A little fight or some harmless flirting. The tv viewers (believers) want to know that next week might show a cat fight or a hookup.
5. No matter what the judges say to you (ie -saying that you sounded like a shrieking cat), always thank them.
6. Have an outragous outfit or hair style! This will give the impression that you are unique and not mainstream.
7. Always say you are doing this for ________ (fill in the blank with brother,sister,mother,father, etc).
8. If you do have a boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife make sure to say you love them, miss them and that they are your strength (even though we know once you win you are dumping them).
9. Always say that with every song you sing, you put your own twist on it to make your own.
10. And when ever Ryan Seacrest asks you to pick a side – NEVER PICK A GROUP AND JUST SIT DOWN IN THE MIDDLE!
I am sorry for you people out there who believe that American Idol is real, but I’m hoping that this serves as an awaking for you.
Don’t get me started on Survivor, The Amazing race, The Apprentice, or Americas Got Talent…..
Hi Chris,
I guess after about 7 or 8 seasons, I’ve come to realize that too…..Your post is funny AND so true! I tried to watch the season with new judges Steven Tyler, J-lo and the Dog, but I couldn’t make it through…They love everything – what kind of judge is that?
The question is will you watch American’s Got Talent when Howard Stern hosts? That ought to be interesting to say the least.
We will be watching AGT only to hope that Stern will be more brutal than Morgan
Don’t forget #11 – You must say, at least once, “I really, REALLY want this!!”. Because obviously you’re the only one of millions who wants to be the next American Idol.
Ok, I am off to work on my sob story and my hair…oh, and doctoring my birth certificate by over ten years!
“If I don’t make it, I don’t know what I’ll do”. How about get a job like the rest of us!
Oh, Chris, you big party pooper!
Sorry the truth hurts
Seems to me Like Carrie Underwood might disagree.
And it also seems like a majority of the people on the show this year actually have some talent.
Isn’t it just entertainment?
I don’t have a TV, so I really can’t say for sure.
If they didn’t do these things, the show wouldn’t be worth watching…
What’s American Idol? KIDDING! I don’t have cable and I don’t watch TV. For the record, not because I don’t want to, but because I can’t afford it… Hummm.. Maybe I can be on American Idol. I’m sure I can think of some sort of sob story! When’s the next season!
So in other words I’m a shoe in! Great, cause I sound amazing in the shower.
Leave “Amazing Race” and “Survivor” alone
That about sums it up!