Festivus for the rest of us
Oh, how I love Festivus. It’s the perfect excuse for people (like me) who are looking for a reason to complain (not that I need one). Airing Festivus Grievances is all about entitlement.
For those of you who never watched Seinfeld and are unfamiliar with this joyus celebration, Wikipedia defines Festivus as “a secular holiday celebrated on December 23 as a way to celebrate the holiday season without participating in its pressures and commercialism”. The Airing of grievances is supposed to take place right after the Festivus dinner has been served.
And at the Festivus dinner, you gather your family around, and tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year – Frank Costanza
The airing of grievances is just part of the celebration, though. A “Festivus pole”, which is literally just an undecorated aluminum pole, “Feats of Strength“, and the labeling of easily explainable events as “Festivus miracles” are what make Festivus so crazy awesome.
And because I know you expect nothing less, here are my Festivus grievances for this year. And just for shits & giggles, I’m delivering them in 140 characters or less. BOOM.
1. To the parents who stop/park in the school drop off lane till the kids get inside!It’s a rolling drop off & you’re making me late for work.
2. That damn Christmas Shoes song makes me bawl my eyes out every single time I hear it….I wish they would stop playing it. For good.
3. Dear makers of tinsel. Damn you to hell for inventing such a irresistably messy decoration that I just have to have.
4. Dear Lincoln Chaffee, govenor of RI – it’s a CHRISTMAS TREE, not a holiday tree. Idiot. Some things should just be left alone.
5. To my kids: If you use the last of something, put it on the grocery list. New poptarts don’t just magically appear in the cabinet you know.
6. To the driver who cut me off & slowed down:I get that you’re more important than I am. You’re probably on the way to cure cancer right now.
So, in the spirit of the day, go on and leave me a comment with all your Festivus grievances.