Sep 192014
 

Thanks to my husband, Chris, for his take on what it’s like to be married to a blogger.

*************************************

10 Ways to know that you're married to a blogger

Top Ten Ways to Know that You’re Married to a Blogger:

10.  For every meal, snack and/or drink, a picture must be taken and posted to Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest and Twitter before one bite/sip is taken.

9.  You have been to so many kid events/activities that not only do you forget what a beer tastes like, but you can barely remember if the Patriots play in the NFL, NBA or are a soccer team.

8.  When they get writers block  or don’t have time to write a blog post, you have to write them a guest post (case in point here).

7.  They call themselves Social Media Consultants.

6.  They have 100 blogger friends, but only have met two in person.

5.  When you hear them cursing, you know someone is not commenting on their blog post.

4.  You get free tickets to a Baseball game, but you have to spend the whole time taking pictures of everything.

3.  They are on their phone so much, they have to recharge it every hour.

2. When they take a Selfie,  it is never good enough the first try.  There is a minimum of 100 attempts to get the right angle and lightning before it can be posted to all social media sites.

1. And the number reason you know you are married to a blogger: they make you drive 2 hours out of your way to get a picture of LITERALLY a fork in the road.

Apr 232014
 

Last Friday I told you about how my site crashed while I was in San Diego last year and that I lost a years worth of posts (heavy sigh).  One of the posts that I lost during that mishap was a post that Chris had written about taking the train to & from work.  He works in Boston and takes the train in and out of the city every day because it’s cheaper and much easier than driving.  I still had the email with the post that he sent me last year, so I wanted to share his post again because I thought it was really good.

*****************************************

Hello Masshole Mommy readers!  This is Chris here again for another guest post. I recently started to take the train to work instead of having to deal with a one hour commute in traffic. I have to say that I’ve put down my foot and decided that from now on I will only take a job that is a 15 minute walk or less from the train station.

I LOVE taking the train because I love to read. I am now reading 2-3 books a month and relaxing on the train ride while all those other people are stuck in traffic

commuter-rail1

That being said, I have some tips on things that I have learned since I became a trainy (not tranny – get your mind out of the gutter). Continue reading »

Apr 092014
 

In case you didn’t know this, my husband Chris is a retired Air Force veteran.  He retired after having served for 20 years in October of 2013. It was suggested to Chris, by one of his brothers, that he write down his experience going from Air Force life into the “real” world.  And here is what he had to say:
*****************************************
The transition from military life to civilian life after 20 years in the military can be a strange and weird experience for most military personnel.  Here are a few things that I learned  throughout my own personal process.

I joined the military right after high school and was in for 20 years as a Firefighter in the United States Air force.  Along the way I received my bachelor’s degree in Accounting and knew that I wanted to work in the business world when I got out of the military.  When I went from active duty to being a reservist, I went to work for a private software company as an Accountant.

With the military, you have be very sharply dressed at all times because your supervisors and coworkers will look you over every morning and you know when there will be a uniform inspection. If we were caught being poorly dressed, we were punished by having to do push-ups.  That was not so in my civilian job.  No one really cared what I wore and in fact, when I showed up wearing a shirt and tie  on my first day of work there,  I was told to lose the tie and wear a t-shirt the following day.  The culture of the software company where I worked was very laid back and their way of thinking was basically to let us wear what ever made us feel comfortable.  Of course, that was an easy adjustment to make.  Plus, it cut about 10 minutes from my morning ritual when I went from polishing my boots to just wearing sneakers every day. Continue reading »

Jan 302014
 

Hi Masshole Mommy readers! Chris here again with another guest post.

Last time I told you about my favorite job and now I am going to tell you about my least favorite job.

The worst job that I ever worked was as a delivery driver for a Pizza shop.  

Don’t get me wrong, the money was good – not only did I get minimum wage, but I got to keep all my tips.  I loved going home with cash in my pocket every night. I also didn’t mind driving around by myself with the radio blaring out Britney Spears songs again and again.  My coworkers were nice and my manger was great.  And all the free pizza I could eat was probably the singular greatest benefit any job can give you.  

Unfortunately, I never did have the delivery to a house where a beautiful woman met me at the door in bathrobe and invited me in for my tip (a guy can dream right), but I did get a few people who tipped me in exact change (quarters, dimes nickels and pennies) and I did receive a six pack of Bud Light as a tip once. Continue reading »

Jan 292014
 

Hi Masshole Mommy readers! Chris here again with another guest post.

This time I am going to talk to you about my favorite job (not including my husbandry job to Masshole Mommy of course) that I have worked to date.


Photo thanks to the Brockton Enterprise

When I was in high school, as a senior, I was given the opportunity to work by my best friend, Ken.  He was an assistant manager (so he claimed) at a full service gas station in East Bridgewater, MA and he hired myself & two of my younger brothers to work there (I have four brothers).   There were always two of us working together and even if we would not working we would still go there just to hang out.  It was great!  We would play street hockey in between pumping gas and sometimes we played basketball, too.  The best part was that we made the cars wait for us to pump their gas until a point was scored.  
Continue reading »

Jan 232014
 

Hi Masshole Mommy readers!  Chris here again with another guest post.

You may remember my last post, which was about the time I lost my virginity with my first fire.  Now I am going to tell you about one of my scariest times as a fire fighter.  One of the reasons is was the most terrifying was because this time I was a leader and had five younger guys looking to me for answers and to make decisions.

It started in the summer of 2003 and it was one of the worst times for wild land fires in the Midwest.  There were millions and millions of acres of fires in some really hard to reach places.

The fire chief gave us the assignment of saving the power for three counties.  On top of a nearby mountain there was a transformer building which was threatened to become overcome with fire and/or have trees fall on it.  If that happened, it would knock out power for over 11 towns.  My job was to get to the building & not let any fire come near it and keep from any trees from falling on it.  The access road was blocked because so many trees had already fallen down from the fire, so we would have to walk up the mountain – which already was consumed with fire on two sides.   Continue reading »

Dec 232013
 

Hi Masshole Mommy readers! Chris here again with another guest post.  

It’s perfect timing for the holiday season and I wanted to talk about the importance of giving the wife/girlfriend the perfect Christmas gift.

Your significant other has probably been hinting probably for at least the last six months about what they want.  But ladies, guys are thick-skulled, so they don’t pay all that much attention and don’t listen really well.  So, if you didn’t cut out a picture, put it in an envelope with the exact change, safety pin it to his shirt, drive him to the store and gave him the salespersons name to speak to  – then YOU ARE NOT getting the gift you want.

Now, fellas there are some do’s and don’ts for gift giving and I am speaking from experience.. 

1. Don’t give Love coupons for back massages or foot rubs.

2.  Don’t give a Tiffany’s Box with something other than Tiffany’s inside of it.

3.  Don’t give something that is for the household (Blender, mop, or new car headlight).

Do buy tickets for shows (hint: pick a show that you will most likely hate the most and get those because she will love them). Continue reading »

Sep 272013
 

Good Morning Masshole Mommy readers. Chris here again with a guest post.

Today, I want tell you about a important time in my life.  A time when a boy becomes a man and the story of how I popped my cherry.  I remember like it was yesterday because well, you never forget your first time. I was a young man of 19 and I had been practicing and practicing and practicing by myself and as part of a team for this significant event in my life.  I also went to school for 4 months to learn how to perform this task to perfection.  It was a Monday morning when I woke up to what would become a hot and wet day.  Most of my friends were there cheering me on and giving me advice.  After it was over my supervisor even complemented me on a job well done.  It wouldn’t be my last time because I would have ample opportunities over the next 20 years to do it over and over again.

Since it was my first time, I didn’t believe that I could get the job done and I stumbled with my clothing. After it was all over I was sticky with sweat, dehydrated and my whole body was sore – but in a good way.  My knees were sore from being on my knees the whole time. I twisted my ankle and bruised by shoulder, but I had a huge smile on my face for days.  That night my buddies took me out for a celebratory beer and we relived it over again and again. Continue reading »

Sep 132013
 

Hi Masshole Mommy readers! Chris here with another guest post.

The season has begun and today I want to talk about the New TV Series Premieres. Being the accountant/math nerd that I am, I have organized our television watching into a spreadsheet in Microsoft Excel by using rate formulas for point distribution and other numerical factors – but that is another guest post for another day. Today I am going to break down the new TV shows into the following categories: Yes (which means we both want to watch or just Masshole Mommy), No (which means we will not be watching it), Maybe (which means we will give it 3 episodes to see if it spikes our interest) and finally the Yes/NO (which means I want to watch it, but Masshole Mommy said we would not be watching it. Her VETO power rules).

fall-tv-preview-2013-new-shows

Continue reading »

Aug 302013
 

Hi Masshole Mommy readers! Chris here again with a another guest post.  You may remember my early post about door holding etiquette and now I am going to explain proper elevator etiquette.

Firstly, before you get on the elevator it is nice to let women and elderly get on before you and it’s even nicer to hold the door for them.  Now, if your nemesis or someone you don’t like (like people who eat eggplant or the Lannister Clan (except for Tyrion)) is waiting for the same elevator that you are and you don’t want to be stuck with them, grab your phone and make pretend that you are answering call and walk away so that you can take the next elevator.

Once you are on the elevator, it is perfectly acceptable to make pretend you are sticking out your arm trying to stop the doors from closing if you see someone coming.  Personal space can be taxing but let yourself know that it is a short ride and almost over.

An improper joke to tell on the elevator is:  What did one elevator say to the other? I think I’m coming down with something!

Another great joke to say on the elevator is:  To open your briefcase/bag and whisper into it “You have enough air in there”

Now time for survival tips.  If you get stuck in a elevator you need to claim a corner fast, as if it was your own property and you will need defend it at all costs.  If a society starts to form, align yourself with someone that has food and drink or has a fully charged smartphone – it’s even better if they play candy crush.  If you are the only person with food, declare that you will share the food only if the other people proclaim you as the KING of the NORTH.And let me leave you with an inside tip (shhhhhh) on one condition:  that you cant use it if  I am waiting for an elevator in the same building as you. Continue reading »

Jul 232013
 

Hi Masshole Mommy readers! Chris here again with another Fire Fighter experience.

This time it is about the “Probies” – otherwise known as brand new fire fighters.  These are people fresh out of the academy and eager to learn and even more eager to please.

So to put these probies in their place and initiate them into the fire department, we have them do tasks. One that we did was wait for it to start pouring (and I mean really coming down), then we stick the probies outside on the roof with a pair of binoculars. We told them to look for tidal waves and you should know that at the time, we were in Missouri.

Here is another good one that they fell for every time:   You have all heard of the “stop, drop and roll” advice, right?  Well, we would tell them that they have to practice it everyday for an hour, so you would see these guys rolling around the fire station like that everyday.

Another one they fell for every time was that we would tell them that the Fire Chief is going deaf and refuses to wear a hearing aid, so every time they had to talk to him they would have to scream.

Sometimes we could get the new guy to play hide and seek in the fire station, but we would never go looking for them. The record time for the longest time someone stayed hidden was a little over an hour.

The joy of it is that you get to keep doing the same jokes on the new people who come in year after year.

Jul 152013
 

Hi Masshole Mommy readers! Chris here again with the followup from my practical jokes in the fire department guest blog last week.

If you read my last post, you are already familiar with some of the practical jokes that I played on other people. Today I will tell you some of the jokes that were played on me for payback.

Remember the guy with the nicotine patches?  That guy payed me back by taking my bicycle completely apart.  Every single screw and nut was left in a pile at the bike rack for me.  I am pretty sure some parts are still missing, but it still works.

I also have had the superman symbol spray painted on my chest.  It took 11 guys to hold me down, but they did it.

One time when I just gotten off of a 24 hour shift, I found my room completely rearranged.  That one was mostly my fault, though.  When a buddy of mine asked for the keys to my room because he asked to borrow my Britney Spears CD, I should had known something was fishy.

Also I had gallons of water dropped on me from the fire department roof.  I realize it doesn’t sound bad, but it was in South Dakota and it was 2 degrees at the time.

Another good was was when I had my front door covered in saran wrap and then when I went to run through it, I came to find out that it was covered in Vaseline.

Now all this was in good fun and most of the time it was done in revenge for practical jokes I played on other people first.   Be sure to look for my next guest blog where I will tell you about all the jokes we played on Probies (brand new firefighters).  You wouldn’t believe some of the stuff these guys fall for.

Jul 112013
 

Hi Masshole Mommy readers. Chris here again with another guest post.

Now many of might not know this, but before I became the COOL, SUAVE, SEXY, EXCITING accountant that I am today, I was a nerdy, uncool, boring firefighter.

Right out of high school I was a firefighter in the military and I traveled all over the world for over 11 years.  One of the things that I really miss about the fire department is the practical jokes that we played on each other. Today I will tell you about some of my favorites that I played on other guys.

One night I snuck into a guy’s room while he was sleeping and put nicotine patches on his legs.  He woke up all nauseous in the morning.  Don’t worry – he was fine.  Just a little (or a lot)  mad.

Another time while I was stationed in South Dakota, myself and a couple of other guys buried this one other guys car completely in snow.  One of my favorite pranks was writing on a guy’s windshield with Oreos “Have a Nice Day”.  Another good  joke that I have done again and again is to pick a guy and decorate his car with ribbons, steamers, cans and write on it “Just Married”.  Another easy one is to put their bed on top of 4 soda cans so when they lay down, it falls down.
Continue reading »

Jun 282013
 

Hi Masshole Mommy readers! Chris here again with another guest post.

Today I am going to tell you about the new LOVE in my life – Jennifer. You can call her my mistress/new squeeze or whatever, but she is here to stay and her fingers bring me so much happiness that I will never stop seeing her.   In fact, I want to see her more frequently.  Now don’t worry,  Masshole Mommy not only knows about her, but encourages me to go see her when ever I need some stress relief.  And to make the experience more entertaining and fulfilling, Masshole Mommy likes to come along to watch and she even joins in.  Also, the thing was totally Masshole Mommy’s idea!  She was with Jennifer first, so she knows all about her special talents!  Not to worry, I am talking about our new Pedicurist.

Masshole Mommy has gotten me hooked on them! So much so that before every weekend outing/getaway we go on, getting pedicures is now our first stop.  She has magic hands and let me tell you, I have alligator feet, so she earns her tip.  My footsies are so thankful for her.  Also, now I can wear flip flops to show them off all the time.  Now for you male readers that think this is too feminine for a guy to do  – YOU are totally wrong.  One hour session with Jennifer and you be proposing to her at the end.  My favorite part is the exfoliating scrub where she scrapes the dead skin off and massages my feet.  And to top the whole thing off you are sitting in a massage chair the whole time.  Continue reading »

Jun 142013
 
Hi Masshole Mommy readers!  Chris here again with another guest post.  I am here to set the record and establish some guidelines for door holding.
How long should a person hold a door open for an individual behind them?
There are a lot of factors to consider here.  Are they you manager?  Your friend?  Are they handicapped?  Are they cute?  Your nemesis?  Are you in a rush?  Also, you have to take into consideration the distance between you and the person behind you.
beat women to the door
Apr 202013
 
Hello Everyone! I’m Natalie from Cooking Quidnunc. Masshole Mommy has kindly allowed me to do a guest post for her wonderful blog so here I am.  I am excited as this is my first guest post!
I’ll start off by telling you all a bit about myself. I reside in Toronto (that’s in Canada lol) and I have been blogging for almost 3 years now.  I started my blog mainly because I realized how much of a foodie I am and how much I love to talk about food.  There is only so much my friends and family can listen to before they kindly walk away from my ramblings. That’s why I took my love for everything food related over to the blogging world where foodies alike will appreciate it much more. My site is a mixture of healthy food products and recipes with some indulging meals as well, a nice balance of both. 
wanted to share with you all one of my favourite snacking recipes, coconut macaroons! My version is healthier than your average macaroon but still tastes great so it’s a win-win situation here!

Continue reading »

Apr 192013
 

Do you remember that Toys R Us song from the 80’s. ♫ I don’t wanna grow up, I’m a Toys R Us kid♫ ….. That is the theme song to my life!My daughter once asked me why I dress like the girls in her school. Why not? Just because I am the mother to a teenager doesn’t mean that I should have to trade in my UGG boots and skinny jeans for sneakers and mom jeans, does it? If I can still get away with wearing what I want, I will! My mom used to tell me when I was a teenager I was immature. I would roll my eyes and feel a little offended, but thinking back, I was. Actually, I still am. Instead of being offended, I have embraced my inner nerd, my immature self, and have run with it. One of my favorite things to do is toss on some silly clothes and head out the door.

My Hello Kitty shirt makes me a lot of friends when we visit the park.

My “I Love Nerds” tee gets me a lot of grey wiggly eyebrow raises and big dentured smiles when I wear it to the gym. Continue reading »

Apr 182013
 

Hi there! It’s Ashley from Memoirs of a Modern Day Wife guest posting for the wonderful Robin! Today, I wanted to spout off on that crazy little thing called love.

Love, it makes you do stupid things. Like sucking face at scenic overlooks, ignoring your best pals to spend all your free time with “the one”, wearing ridiculously tight outfits that flash your ass(ets) for the world to see in hopes that the one you love will notice, or even pretending to be someone you’re not all for the sake of attention. But that’s not really true love, is it?

Nope. Well, not at first anyways. I am way beyond counting on all my fingers and toes the amount of times I have seen a woman throw herself at someone, and become someone she’s not. Every day I am witness to countless single female acquaintances posting blurry duck-face pictures on my social media feeds, all for the sake of garnering some form of attention. I am well into my 30’s and I still see women I graduated from high school with posting contradicting messages about love and relationships on Facebook. An example of this:

Facebook-Day 1: “Why can’t I find a decent man who respects me?!?!? Is that really too much to ask for!!!” Continue reading »

Apr 172013
 
One of my favorite bloggy friends, Rosey from Mail4Rosey, was kind enough to fill in for me today.  Her blog is awesome, so please stop by and show her some love.
****************************************
Many thanks to Masshole Mommy (one of my most favorite blogs!) for letting me guest post!
Sometimes it’s easy for the family to get into a rut of what they want to eat (or I want to cook) for dinner.  It’s just as easy though, to find a recipe in one of your cookbooks, or online and make something new.  With just a little searching you can find something that allows for ingredients you already have sitting in your kitchen, and in most cases it’s worth that little extra time taken to do the search.
We recently came across a Cashew Chicken recipe that we found in our trusty Betty Crocker cookbook and it really turned out quite delicious.  My favorite thing about it was that it was easy to make!
Apr 162013
 
I’m so excited to be asked to guest post here on Masshole Mommy.  I don’t get asked often to do this so I’m kind of feeling special … hmmm well maybe not like Paris Hilton special but still special :).  Just playing, My name is Alexis from Running Away? I’ll Help you Pack!  My motto is it’s better to laugh then cry at what is dealt to you.
 
I’m one of those crazy mom’s that love to make something special for friends and the kids classroom for any event.  I may not be able to sew to save my life but give me a glue gun, ribbon and some rubberbands and I’ll MacGyver something (for you that are scratching your head over the reference it was a TV in the 80’s where the dude could make a bomb from a tampon and some glue … lol well you get the point).  I really have too much useless knowledge in my head (that is for another post).
 
Robin asked me to post one of my creations either a recipe or a craft I’ve made.  I sent over a few post to choose from and she picked one of my diaper cakes in the shape of a motorcycle.  This one I must say has been one of my favorites.


IMG_5223
 
It is on the spendy side to make, but it’s so cute you have to give it a whirl.  So the cake with the extra’s did cost me around $75, I’m sure if I hit Walmart instead of Target I could find the items for less but you go with what is closest.