totally random • Masshole Mommy

Alternative Ways to Say Someone is Crazy

Jun 162013

I was having a conversation with someone the other day about someone that we knew mutually that’s absolutely cray cray (aka crazy)! The person in question was not playing with a full deck, that’s for sure. I mean she definitely is not the sharpest tool in the shed and she certainly isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer! To say she is not firing on all cylinders is a complete understatement.

Anyhow, the conversation led to other ways of saying someone is off their rocker and here’s the list we came up with:

1. He/She is a few fries short of a Happy Meal.

2. The elevator doesn’t go up to the penthouse!

3. He/She is as sharp as a bowling ball.

4. He/She is one banana short of a bunch.

5. The wheel is spinning, but the hamster is dead.

6. He/She is a few ants short of a picnic. Continue reading »

Christmas in June?

Jun 122013

Yesterday I told you all about my son’s field trip, which was a walking tour of our town. While the kids were all at the library, another mom and myself ran over to a pizza place nearby to grab some lunch for the kids before we headed out on the rest of our journey. As soon as we walked in, we both chuckled because the place was all decked out. For Christmas.

There were poinsettias all over the place, as well as silk flowers and holly garland. I never go to this place, so I have no idea how long it’s been up, but I am assuming at least since last December.

Real Safe

Jun 012013

Last weekend, Chris and I found ourselves behind this doofus.

There was one, ONE, bungee cord holding the wood onto the roof on the drivers side of the car. The passenger, as you can clearly see, held the other side with his hand.

Real safe.

Busted Can of Biscuits?

May 292013

Recently, I was seated at an event with my five year old behind this:

Unfortunately, there were no other seats available where we were, so we had to look at it for a good half hour or so. And you know my son picked right up on it! THANK GOD he just pointed and snickered (repeatedly) instead of blurting something out loud about it.

I’m sorry, but how did she not feel the breeze? When ever my shirt goes up like that in the back, I always - always - feel it. Don’t you?

What the Difference?

May 222013

I was at my local Roche Brothers (grocery store) and since I only stopped in for a few things, I went right for the express lane. When I got to the register, this sign was hanging up:

I was baffled….what’s the difference between 12 items or less and 12 items or fewer? Can anyone explain it to me -because the 16 year old cashier certainly couldn’t. Every other store that I’ve been to calls it the “12 items or less” lane.

That’s One Way To Do It…..I Guess

May 182013

Last week I accompanied my hubby, Chris, to an appointment and because I thought ahead of time, I brought along a large Dunkin Donuts coffee with me. I had a feeling that we were going to be there for a while, and coffee was just what I needed to get me through the long wait. Well, that and the latest issue of Cosmo.

Anyhow, it wasn’t long before the coffee caught up to me and I had to pee pretty bad. I tried to hold until we left, but I wasn’t going to make it. When I went into the bathroom, this was the first thing I saw:

That’s one way to make sure it doesn’t fall on anyone’s feet…..I guess.

Ponch or John?

May 152013

On our recent visit to San Diego, we stayed in a hotel that included a continental breakfast. Especially when we travel with the kids, Chris and I tend to look for hotels that offer breakfast since it helps cut down on food costs a little bit. I have to say that the breakfast at our hotel was kind of lame, but hey – it was free, so I suppose you get what you pay for.

Anyways, in the breakfast area at the hotel, there were five or six tables, but there was one in the back with a C.H.I.P.S. statue next to it, and you know the boys wanted to sit at that table every single day.

File Under: WTF?

May 052013

While we were in San Diego we stayed in a decent hotel. It wasn’t a five star resort by any means, but other than the leaking ceiling incident, we were pretty comfortable there. After all, we were pretty much only there to sleep anyways. We were on the second story (there were only two floors) of the building, and our room was right next to the pool. So each time we went out, we had to walk past the pool to get to our car in the parking lot.

On the last night of our vacation, Chris and I were walking from the parking lot towards our room when we noticed that this sign was put up on the gate/entrance to the pool:

GROSS!!

Seriously, what the hell happened to make them have to put up a sign like that? I don’t even want to think about it.

Stay Back!

Apr 282013

When Chris and I were in San Diego, we somehow got stuck driving behind this:

We couldn’t get away from this guy fast enough. Isn’t that nuts? I’ve never seen anything like that.

Leaky Ceiling

Apr 272013

You may recall yesterday that I told you Chris and I opted not to go the ghost tour on our date night in San Diego because it was kind of drizzly out? Well, I guess it was a little more than drizzly because between the time we left to go out for breakfast the following morning and the time we got back, the ceiling started to leak.

It took me a minute to figure out what that little tapping sound was in our room, but eventually I noticed the leak and we ended up having to switch rooms. Of all times for it to happen, I am so glad that it did while the boys were sleeping over their aunt & uncle’s house. Continue reading »

One Thing I Really Miss

Dec 082011

Back in the good old days – before I had kids, I had a “real” job. And before you get your panties all into a bunch, when I say “real” job, I simply mean outside of the home and in no way, shape or form am I discounting the demands of being a SAHM. But……BC (before children) I had a career and I was good at what I did. In case you’re the least bit curious, I worked in stocks. As in the stock market not stocking shelves.

Five Completely Useless Products That I Totally Want

Dec 022011

I’ve gotten my fair share of crappy gifts over the years. I figure there are always gonna be those people that are compelled to blow money on ridiculously pointless junk. Since that’s the case, I thought I would take it upon myself to make a list of ridiculously pointless junk that I would actually like – you know, in case anyone was looking to get me a Christmas present and didn’t know what to get. You’re welcome.

Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation?

Dec 012011

Ok, before I start this, be warned…it’s about to get weird up in here today. Especially if you’re a guy.

So, here we go.

When I listen to the radio, which is a lot, I listen to 92 Pro Fm out of Providence, RI. Anyone who listens to that station on a regular basis cannot escape the commercials for this place called the Skin Sational Laser Center. That place must have a huge advertising budget because there is literally an ad for them during every commercial break. No joke.

Here’s a Post in Which I Totally Embarrass Myself

Nov 042011

I was going through the stuff in my closet recently and while I was doing so, I came across a familiar site. This old shoe box:

The thing is, back in the day (say the late 80′s/early 90′s) I labeled the box as “baseball cards” to keep my younger sister and brother from snooping, but it contained something much cooler than baseball cards. Or at least I thought so.

Pet Peeves

Nov 032011

The other day I was in the drive through line at Dunkin Donuts – what else is new? The person in line in front of me was unable to lower their window to place the order and again when they got to the window to get their stuff. They actually had to open the whole door twice. I’ve written about this before because I think it’s the height of laziness and don’t understand why they don’t just go in. I mean they have to put the car in park and open their door anyways. Right?

Ten Songs That Never Get Old

Oct 252011

Do you have a list of songs that you could just listen to over and over again? You know, those songs that stand the test of time and just never seem to get old? We all do, right? Here’s my list:

1. Where the Streets Have No Name – U2

2. The Humpty Dance – Digital Underground

Halloween Dictionary

Oct 212011

I received an email yesterday entitled “Halloween Dictionary” and it was one of those emails that made me LOL (laugh out loud) at my laptop. I have to be honest, nine times out of ten I delete forwarded chain emails, but I needed a pick me up yesterday, so I clicked on this one. I’m glad I did.

20 Things You Probably Don’t Know About Me

Oct 202011

1. I love lima beans. I mean LOVE.

2. My GPS has a name, and his name is Lance. He gives me directions in a sexy Australian accent. Yup.

3. I hate the Price is Right. Drew Carey – Bob Barker…it makes no difference. I don’t like it.

4. I’ve got a really good sense of direction.

Wacky Things For Sale on eBay Right Now

Sep 212011

Have you ever perused eBay to see what kind of oddball things people were selling? It can be quite entertaining & when I’m not spending my downtime on Damn You Auto Correct or watching infomercials, I’ll check out eBay to see what sort of assinine things people are trying to sell.

I found a doozy last night:

Celebrities Real Names

Sep 202011

My husband, Chris, was reading some magazine the other day & said to me “Hey, did you know that Lady Gaga’s real name is Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta?” Even though I knew it didn’t say Lady Gaga on her birth certificate, I had no idea what her real name was (and never really cared much to look it up), but as soon as he said that to me, I thought it would be cool to look up some other celebrity “real names.” This is what I came up with:

Akon ‘s real name is…Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam

Miley Cyrus’ real name is…Destiny Hope Cyrus

Kirk Douglas’ real name is…Issur Danielovitch Demsky

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