Happy Halloween! Halloween is my favorite holiday and when I was a kid, Trick or Treating was pretty much the highlight of the year. Now that I’m a mom, I love taking my boys out Trick-or-Treating just as much as I loved it myself.
Tonight I’m taking my boys out trick-or-treating solo. My little man is a handful, so it should be interesting to say the least. Whenever I take the boys out, I try to be as prepared as possible. It makes my life easier and keeps them happy.
Did you know that as a parent, you are lawfully entitled to collect a candy tax on Halloween? Oh ya, it’s a federally mandated law. I’m sure of it.
Basically, any child who collects a large quantity of candy when they go out trick-or-treating on Halloween is subject to the tax. This percentage is up to and including any and all Milk Duds (or you can insert your favorite candy here), if the amount constitutes 10% or less of the total haul. However, if your kid winds up with some outrageously large amount of candy – say a large pillowcase full of it, the candy is then subject to a 15% Candy Tax. The candy tax covers the time and stress of the parent having to manually inspect each piece before the kiddos dig in.
If you ever find yourself right in the middle of a horror movie type scenario, here are a few tips on surviving the ordeal
:
1. Never, ever, become a camp councelor.
2. Whenever it appears that you have killed who ever or what ever is after you, NEVER check to see if it’s really dead.
3. You will need to uproot your life & move out of your home immediately if you ever find out that you’re living on an old Indian burial ground, in an old insane asylum or you find out satanic worship was ever practiced in your house.
4. Never, under any circumstances, use a Ouija board. This one’s for realz folks. I kid you not, Ouija boards are one of the few things in life that really scare me.
I received an email yesterday entitled “Halloween Dictionary” and it was one of those emails that made me LOL (laugh out loud) at my laptop. I have to be honest, nine times out of ten I delete forwarded chain emails, but I needed a pick me up yesterday, so I clicked on this one. I’m glad I did.
Are you looking for a fun Halloween recipe, maybe to send in with the kiddos to share with their class at school? I’ve got just the thing. I make this one for my kids classes every year and it always goes over well. Candy corn fudge is super easy to make and it combines two of the most delicious things on earth: chocolate and candy corn!
One of the things that I like to make for my kids for lunch or dinner are hot dog mummies. They’re perfect for Halloween and did I mention that they go over extremely well with the kiddos (even picky eaters like my youngest).
Halloween is a pretty big deal around our house, so this time of year, I like to do extra little fun surprises for the kids and Hot dog mummies end up on the menu at least once a week. They are so easy to make - you only need a few ingredients and the best part is that they are ready in less than a half hour.
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, “I have a question to ask you but I don’t want to offend you.”She answers, ‘My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.” “Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.” She responds, “Well, let’s see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic.”
The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I am single and I’m Catholic too!” The nun says “OK, pull into the next alley.” He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
“My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?” “Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.” The nun says, “That’s OK, my name is Kevin and I’m on my way to a Halloween party.”
In the spirit of halloween, which happens to be my favorite holiday, here are the Top Ten Reasons Why Trick-Or-Treating Is Better Than Sex:
#10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
#9. If you get tired, wait ten minutes and go at it again.
#8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
#7. You don’t have to compliment the person who gave you candy.
#6. Person you’re with doesn’t fantasize you’re someone else.
#5. If you get a stomach ache, it won’t last 9 months.
#4. If you wear your Batman mask, no one thinks you’re kinky.
#3. Doesn’t matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
#2. Less guilt the next morning.
And the number one reason trick or treating is better than sex…
If you don’t get what you want, you can always go next door!
In the spirit of halloween, which happens to be my favorite holiday, here are the Top Ten Reasons Why Trick-Or-Treating Is Better Than Sex:
#10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
#9. If you get tired, wait ten minutes and go at it again.
#8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
#7. You don’t have to compliment the person who gave you candy.
#6. Person you’re with doesn’t fantasize you’re someone else.
#5. If you get a stomach ache, it won’t last 9 months.
#4. If you wear your Batman mask, no one thinks you’re kinky.
#3. Doesn’t matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
#2. Less guilt the next morning.
And the number one reason trick or treating is better than sex…
If you don’t get what you want, you can always go next door!
In the spirit of halloween, which happens to be my favorite holiday, here are the Top Ten Reasons Why Trick-Or-Treating Is Better Than Sex:
#10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
#9. If you get tired, wait ten minutes and go at it again.
#8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
#7. You don’t have to compliment the person who gave you candy.
#6. Person you’re with doesn’t fantasize you’re someone else.
#5. If you get a stomach ache, it won’t last 9 months.
#4. If you wear your Batman mask, no one thinks you’re kinky.
#3. Doesn’t matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
#2. Less guilt the next morning.
And the number one reason trick or treating is better than sex…
If you don’t get what you want, you can always go next door!
In the spirit of halloween, which happens to be my favorite holiday, here are the Top Ten Reasons Why Trick-Or-Treating Is Better Than Sex:
#10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
#9. If you get tired, wait ten minutes and go at it again.
#8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
#7. You don’t have to compliment the person who gave you candy.
#6. Person you’re with doesn’t fantasize you’re someone else.
#5. If you get a stomach ache, it won’t last 9 months.
#4. If you wear your Batman mask, no one thinks you’re kinky.
#3. Doesn’t matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
#2. Less guilt the next morning.
And the number one reason trick or treating is better than sex…
If you don’t get what you want, you can always go next door!
In the spirit of halloween, which happens to be my favorite holiday, here are the Top Ten Reasons Why Trick-Or-Treating Is Better Than Sex:
#10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
#9. If you get tired, wait ten minutes and go at it again.
#8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
#7. You don’t have to compliment the person who gave you candy.
#6. Person you’re with doesn’t fantasize you’re someone else.
#5. If you get a stomach ache, it won’t last 9 months.
#4. If you wear your Batman mask, no one thinks you’re kinky.
#3. Doesn’t matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
#2. Less guilt the next morning.
And the number one reason trick or treating is better than sex…
If you don’t get what you want, you can always go next door!
In the spirit of halloween, which happens to be my favorite holiday, here are the Top Ten Reasons Why Trick-Or-Treating Is Better Than Sex:
#10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
#9. If you get tired, wait ten minutes and go at it again.
#8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
#7. You don’t have to compliment the person who gave you candy.
#6. Person you’re with doesn’t fantasize you’re someone else.
#5. If you get a stomach ache, it won’t last 9 months.
#4. If you wear your Batman mask, no one thinks you’re kinky.
#3. Doesn’t matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
#2. Less guilt the next morning.
And the number one reason trick or treating is better than sex…
If you don’t get what you want, you can always go next door!
In the spirit of halloween, which happens to be my favorite holiday, here are the Top Ten Reasons Why Trick-Or-Treating Is Better Than Sex:
#10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
#9. If you get tired, wait ten minutes and go at it again.
#8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
#7. You don’t have to compliment the person who gave you candy.
#6. Person you’re with doesn’t fantasize you’re someone else.
#5. If you get a stomach ache, it won’t last 9 months.
#4. If you wear your Batman mask, no one thinks you’re kinky.
#3. Doesn’t matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
#2. Less guilt the next morning.
And the number one reason trick or treating is better than sex…
If you don’t get what you want, you can always go next door!
In the spirit of halloween, which happens to be my favorite holiday, here are the Top Ten Reasons Why Trick-Or-Treating Is Better Than Sex:
#10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
#9. If you get tired, wait ten minutes and go at it again.
#8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
#7. You don’t have to compliment the person who gave you candy.
#6. Person you’re with doesn’t fantasize you’re someone else.
#5. If you get a stomach ache, it won’t last 9 months.
#4. If you wear your Batman mask, no one thinks you’re kinky.
#3. Doesn’t matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
#2. Less guilt the next morning.
And the number one reason trick or treating is better than sex…
If you don’t get what you want, you can always go next door!
Halloween Things That Sound Dirty but Aren’t:
1. So…What did you get in the sack?
2. Once you get under the sheet, start moaning and groaning!
3. Just hop on that broomstick and ride it!
4. Those small suckers are gone in a few licks.
5. You scared me stiff!
6. Quit screwing around on the porch!
7. Stick your hand in and guess what you’re feeling.
8. Can I eat your Zagnuts?
9. They’ll suck you dry if they get their teeth in you.
10. I bobbed but couldn’t get my mouth around it.
11. She’s a goblin!
12. I’d like to get a little something in the sack tonight.
13. He’s got Candy spread out on the living room floor!
14. She’s got a couple of nice pumpkins on her porch
15. If you just lick it, it’ll last longer.
16. Let me see your big sack!
17. It was so filled and heavy, I had to use two hands.
18. Have your mom check it before you put it in your mouth.
19. I got the best piece from that house.
20. Just get on your hands and knees and bob your head.
Halloween Things That Sound Dirty but Aren’t:
1. So…What did you get in the sack?
2. Once you get under the sheet, start moaning and groaning!
3. Just hop on that broomstick and ride it!
4. Those small suckers are gone in a few licks.
5. You scared me stiff!
6. Quit screwing around on the porch!
7. Stick your hand in and guess what you’re feeling.
8. Can I eat your Zagnuts?
9. They’ll suck you dry if they get their teeth in you.
10. I bobbed but couldn’t get my mouth around it.
11. She’s a goblin!
12. I’d like to get a little something in the sack tonight.
13. He’s got Candy spread out on the living room floor!
14. She’s got a couple of nice pumpkins on her porch
15. If you just lick it, it’ll last longer.
16. Let me see your big sack!
17. It was so filled and heavy, I had to use two hands.
18. Have your mom check it before you put it in your mouth.
19. I got the best piece from that house.
20. Just get on your hands and knees and bob your head.
Halloween Things That Sound Dirty but Aren’t:
1. So…What did you get in the sack?
2. Once you get under the sheet, start moaning and groaning!
3. Just hop on that broomstick and ride it!
4. Those small suckers are gone in a few licks.
5. You scared me stiff!
6. Quit screwing around on the porch!
7. Stick your hand in and guess what you’re feeling.
8. Can I eat your Zagnuts?
9. They’ll suck you dry if they get their teeth in you.
10. I bobbed but couldn’t get my mouth around it.
11. She’s a goblin!
12. I’d like to get a little something in the sack tonight.
13. He’s got Candy spread out on the living room floor!
14. She’s got a couple of nice pumpkins on her porch
15. If you just lick it, it’ll last longer.
16. Let me see your big sack!
17. It was so filled and heavy, I had to use two hands.
18. Have your mom check it before you put it in your mouth.
19. I got the best piece from that house.
20. Just get on your hands and knees and bob your head.
Last night myself and the fam headed down to Providence, RI to the Roger Williams Zoo to take in the Jack-O-Lantern Spectacular. There are literally thousands of carved & lighted pumpkins that are all set up along a trail in the zoo. It’s absolutely amazing and if you’re in the area and have never been, I highly recommend you stop by if you get the chance.
