Hi Masshole Mommy readers! Chris here again with a another guest post. You may remember my early post about door holding etiquette and now I am going to explain proper elevator etiquette.
Firstly, before you get on the elevator it is nice to let women and elderly get on before you and it’s even nicer to hold the door for them. Now, if your nemesis or someone you don’t like (like people who eat eggplant or the Lannister Clan (except for Tyrion)) is waiting for the same elevator that you are and you don’t want to be stuck with them, grab your phone and make pretend that you are answering call and walk away so that you can take the next elevator.
Once you are on the elevator, it is perfectly acceptable to make pretend you are sticking out your arm trying to stop the doors from closing if you see someone coming. Personal space can be taxing but let yourself know that it is a short ride and almost over.
An improper joke to tell on the elevator is: What did one elevator say to the other? I think I’m coming down with something!
Another great joke to say on the elevator is: To open your briefcase/bag and whisper into it “You have enough air in there”
Now time for survival tips. If you get stuck in a elevator you need to claim a corner fast, as if it was your own property and you will need defend it at all costs. If a society starts to form, align yourself with someone that has food and drink or has a fully charged smartphone – it’s even better if they play candy crush. If you are the only person with food, declare that you will share the food only if the other people proclaim you as the KING of the NORTH.And let me leave you with an inside tip (shhhhhh) on one condition: that you cant use it if I am waiting for an elevator in the same building as you.The tip is: If you are say, on the 20th floor and you are going down in the elevator and don’t want to stop at every floor to pick up other people going down, when the doors close hold the “door close button” and it will bring you right down to the lobby skipping all the floors. But you must use this power only for good or restroom emergencies.
Until the next time,