Aug 302013
 
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Hi Masshole Mommy readers! Chris here again with a another guest post.  You may remember my early post about door holding etiquette and now I am going to explain proper elevator etiquette.

Firstly, before you get on the elevator it is nice to let women and elderly get on before you and it’s even nicer to hold the door for them.  Now, if your nemesis or someone you don’t like (like people who eat eggplant or the Lannister Clan (except for Tyrion)) is waiting for the same elevator that you are and you don’t want to be stuck with them, grab your phone and make pretend that you are answering call and walk away so that you can take the next elevator.

Once you are on the elevator, it is perfectly acceptable to make pretend you are sticking out your arm trying to stop the doors from closing if you see someone coming.  Personal space can be taxing but let yourself know that it is a short ride and almost over.

An improper joke to tell on the elevator is:  What did one elevator say to the other? I think I’m coming down with something!

Another great joke to say on the elevator is:  To open your briefcase/bag and whisper into it “You have enough air in there”

Now time for survival tips.  If you get stuck in a elevator you need to claim a corner fast, as if it was your own property and you will need defend it at all costs.  If a society starts to form, align yourself with someone that has food and drink or has a fully charged smartphone – it’s even better if they play candy crush.  If you are the only person with food, declare that you will share the food only if the other people proclaim you as the KING of the NORTH.And let me leave you with an inside tip (shhhhhh) on one condition:  that you cant use it if  I am waiting for an elevator in the same building as you.The tip is:  If you are say, on the 20th floor and you are going down in the elevator and don’t want to stop at every floor  to pick up other people going down, when the doors close hold the “door close button” and it will bring you right down to the lobby skipping all the floors.  But you must use this power only for good or restroom emergencies.

Until the next time,

Chris

elevader

About Christian Rue

Christian is married to Masshole Mommy. A Massachusetts native, he's happy to still be living here, but he also enjoyed living in several states & two other countries during his 20 years in the Air Force. These days, in addition to being a retired Air Force firefighter, he works for our fine government as an accountant. Chris loves movies, reading, comedy and spending time with his family.


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  17 Responses to “Proper Elevator Etiquette”

  1. That is riot. I can picture Chris whispering into his briefcase….lol (and quite frankly would love to see that in front of an elevator full of people on say Monday morning when everyone is already pissed off!) My boys will love the Elevader….I’ll show em when they wake up!

  2. No words, always love when Chris quests here and never disappoints!! 🙂

  3. Gah, the phone trick! What an easy solution to catch the next ride up!

  4. You’re a trip! ~lol~

  5. There are no elevators in our city for some reason, even at the mall 🙂 It’s weird! Funny post!

  6. Great post. I’ll have to remember all of these important details when riding elevators.

    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com

  7. My biggest beef with elevators is when you are on one trying to get off and there are people waiting to get on who won’t get the H out of my way.

  8. Great tips lol. My worst elevator ride ever was at the Willis Tower a few weeks back. They cram so many people in there I thought for sure we were way passed the weight capacity. I was fully expecting to come crashing down before we hit the top.

  9. yes i am a admirer of the view from the top! LOL! its just so disheartening that 1 has to witness such riff raff at the bottom! LOL!

  10. I rarely use the elevator but at my old job I did for awhile, until I discovered that the stairs had a lot less creepy people. With that being said, I am or may not press and hold the door close button the next time I am in one. I can’t guarantee anything at this point.

  11. I hate elevators. Not enough personal space, even for those brief few minutes. Don’t touch me.

  12. So funny! I haven’t had any crazy elevator things happen. They usually hold the door open for me; I do the same for them.

  13. Someone watches Game of Thrones.

  14. All are great tips! I especially love the cell phone fake out!

  15. OMGosh love the photo, so sending to my dad!!

  16. Oooh I like your tips! I had no idea there was an express button on an elevator.