Feb 082011

Ok folks, you guys are in for a treat today.  The great Dave Nihsen, who is one of the moderators of a site called Halforums (which is basically just a geek hang out) has written another guest post for me.  I occasionally Tweet with Dave and he’s written  a couple of guest posts for me in the past, which were very entertaining, so grab some coffee, sit back and enjoy! 


Last year about this time I wrote a guest article that basically was a lament; a lament of the end of football season and how it negatively affected my life and devalued my innate sense of man-ness. My wife read it and immediately berated me verbally for my choice of words and exaggerated imagery. To her, my sadness at the end of football season somehow lessened the love I feel for her or my family. This is, of course, pure drivel and I will do everything in my power this year to ensure that the repercussions of last year’s article is not repeated.
Mostly by not showing it to my wife.
So the day I wrote this (Speaking in the past tense as you are obviously reading this is the future. Hello, Future People! Hope we in the past haven’t screwed anything up too badly!) it was Monday, February 7, 2011 – the day after the Green Bay Packers beat the Pittsburgh Steelers to win the Superbowl. This means that the halting of the season is still very fresh in my mind.
There are several mitigating factors to my love of the NFL. First, all of my friends have moved away. Second, I don’t drink. Third, I’m a computer geek. So what, you ask. Well, as a non-drinking geek with no friends in the area, I have no real hobbies. I don’t go out drinking with my buddies, I don’t get to go golfing with my friends. I am largely isolated physically. I am not saying this for pity and I’m totally fine with it; I get my socialization in other ways. I play online games. Namely World of Warcraft. (If you are on the Ghostlands server, that’s me beating up the n00bs and making them cry while calling them names.) I have a web site with a lot of people I consider friends…and I play Fantasy Football.
For those who don’t know what this is, FF (as I will call it) is where you choose players from actual NFL teams and receive points based on how well they perform in the games. Score more points than the guy (or gal) you are playing and you get a win! It’s great fun and makes even terrible matchups worth watching. Detroit is playing Arizona? Cool! I have Detroit’s Defense! See? Even though the game itself might be bad you still have a vested interest.
For 5 months out of the year I am able to participate in my favorite hobby and socialize with people I don’t usually speak to the rest of the year. The Superbowl signals an end to all of that until preseason starts in August. (If they have a season next year, but that’s another story.)
So do I mourn the ending of the NFL season? Yes, yes I do. It does not mean I love my wife & kids less, but I can’t treat my wife the way I treat my friends. I can’t berate her favorite team by saying, “Ha ha! The Redskins lost! Suck it, girly man!” I say that to my friends and they respond with some other rebuttal that usually has to do with the size of my penis or the fact that they recently had sexual relations with my mother. Or sometimes my father, depending on how scathing my initial insult was. Point is, I rely on football to relate to and connect with other guys. I love watching football with my wife (which she does now) but it’s a totally different experience than it is watching with a room full of testosterone laden dorks who fancy themselves to be Alpha males. (They aren’t. I am. Don’t they see that?) When they show cheerleaders there are no catcalls, merely sniffs of derision and disdain that means I have to pretend not to have seen them. Comments are made about how homoerotic sounds. “Yes, honey, “I will explain, “the wide receiver hitting the hole before he got pounded does sound funny.” With the guys it would probably be about my mother again. And guys don’t really care about how cute Tom Brady’s hair looks. Except Justin Bieber. For some reason he cares.
Maybe I wrong last year to say that my life was empty without football. But Sundays sure the hell aren’t as interesting.

  2 Responses to “Still Mourning? Yup.”

  1. Bwahahahah! Love this. I can’t even describe all the ways I love this, but it makes me smile inside. Thank you for the laugh!